Almost a year has passed and I wish I had a tale of happiness and justice. Quite the opposite. I returned to work, but found myself under the influence of my night security escort. I was vulnerable and he got to me. The relationship started out as wrong as they can, but I thought that it would be different this time. It felt different. I literally felt like the center of his world.
Our relationship came to a halting stop when he got involved in drugs. And I couldn’t stand by while he did them. I am a mother. And his mother is an addict. Instead of being someone different than her, he became like her. And so I broke my heart.
Now, it’s been some time that we have been apart. And I want to start over, be happy again. But I looked for him in everyone. And they are never the man that I loved, so it never works. Mind you, HE isn’t even the man I loved anymore- meth got him. He told me yesterday that the guy I loved is dead. And he sounded like he meant it. And now I have to face it.
I did the right thing this time. I was respectful of myself. And yet it still hurts. I don’t want him to drag me down… not after all this time… but I’m starting to wonder what the point is when I keep seeking something I’ll never find.
Oh yeah- and Ramsey County Attorney sanctioned my rape by not pressing charges. What a loss of faith in the system.
blackorwhitehotorcoldyesorno 